I Give You My Heart

One of the themes of Christmas that my parents drilled into me when I was younger was giving. God the Father gave His Son for the world. Mary gave her body and soul as servant to the Most High God. The Magi traveled "field and fountain, moor and mountain" to bring the Christchild such regal gifts as gold, frankincense, and myrrh.

When I was younger, our family had the tradition of making a Christmas ornament that represented something we wanted to give Jesus. On Christmas Day, we would sit around the living room and discuss our ornament; what did we choose to give and why? how can we bless the Lord with our gift? One year I gave my tricycle; another, my puppy. From music awards to the pear tree in our backyard, it seemed God got them all.

Recently, I found myself evaluating my own life, asking what can I give that would bring honor and glory to Christ? While the days of construction paper and glitter overkill are long-gone, there must be something that is of worth and value that I can give Him.

To be completely honest, there isn't.

As I've continued to grow in Christ, I have come to the seemingly obvious realization that there is not one thing on earth that He desires more than our heart. What's more, He isn't looking for one that is continually right, always receiving praise and position, always hitting the beat every time. I mean, if God has blessed you with such a life, all glory and honor be to Him! But, frankly, that isn't the case with me.

This month of December has probably been the toughest out of this half-year. (I say half-year because I don't remember the first six months of this year too well to say whether or not this month has been the worst in the entire year.) Various things have happened in my life that, whether they be hurtful or humiliating, each one has beaten my soul down to a critically low point. Thank God for His grace to work with us in our time of need!

Yesterday morning I was working through a few things with the Lord. While turning to my mark in Psalms (the book I'm currently going through), the Lord spoke loud and clear yet again through the comfort of His word.

"For You do not desire sacrifice,

or else I would give it;

You do not delight in burnt offering.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,

A broken and a contrite heart -

These, O God, You will not despise."

~ Psalm 51:16-17 ~

King David wrote these words in his "repentance psalm" after he committed adultery with Bathsheba. Of all places, in the midst of his sin, he had the faith to believe that God would take his sinful heart and turn it into something worthy of His glory. (And the Lord did just that.)

We all go through things that weigh us down and perhaps break our spirit. The death of a loved one. The pain of divorce. Cancer. The betrayal of those we love. The cutting off of a relationship. Witnessing a friend go down the wrong path. Receiving the diagnoses of a terminal disease. Abuse. Each of us carry some sort of pain and heartache around in life. I am currently working through a painful situation. And while I can't offer any "professional" advice, all I can say is - offer that pain to the Lord. Invite Him to feel it with you. He does not look down upon our anger, guilt, or sadness; things that other people may label as "no big deal." Rather, these are the exact things He desires in a heart that is yielded to His will. He is not a distant Being that cannot relate to our suffering (see Hebrews 4:15). Rather, He has known pain that, praise be to Him, we will never need to experience.

This Christmas, my desire is to surrender my pain to the Lord. To thrust my burdens on Him everyday. To be yoked to His will each day. To live in freedom rather than pridefully holding onto my hurt. Yes, it's difficult. Each day presents new challenges of its own. But I would be smothered if I did not have that ray of hope, the light at the end of the tunnel named the Cross of Christ. He delights to feel my pain. He wants to "do this with me." He is my Father; I can hide nothing from Him. Through pain or pleasure, guilt or pardon - He is my Savior.

This Christmas, I give Him my heart.

Bottled and Shelved

I've seen it happen all too often.

A girl, pure and committed, living by every rule and guideline in the "book," yet confused, afraid, and guilty over her own natural emotions. If feelings arose for someone she tamped them down, stifled them, and corked it all in, not to see the light day . . . but then at night, they came flooding back . . . and there was nothing she could do but stifle them all over again.

I've seen it destroy. Those natural emotions that we have been given by God cannot be contained in so extreme a measure and allow us to still operate in freedom. We become slaves to our emotions, constantly battling ourselves and feeling guilty because of it - when those emotions are part of our very nature. The extremity of measure taken to keep a heart "pure" can instead cause it to internalize natural desires, and eventually this leads to rebellion.

What is a pure heart? It is not a heart in slavery to rule and regulation. It is disciplined, yes, but it is not bound and shackled to keep it in submission. A pure heart is free of corruption, pride, selfishness, and fear. But most importantly . . . a pure heart is free. Just free.

If there is anything that peeves me about the purity movement, it is the stifling of emotion that so many girls tend to do. It is this tamped down, corked in, wound-up society of hearts that have natural, God-given desires for love and affection and friendship - without an avenue to vent those desires. Friendships with boys are forbidden or closely censored, and any feelings a girl or boy may have is told to be stuffed away for That Great Day In The Future.

It is not effective. It is not safe. This fear of relationships in high school, simply because we are devoted to purity, will prove to be the destruction of our commitment if we do not realize that in Christ, we have a marvelous freedom! It is our own choice to use this freedom for good or ill - but we're free all the same! This fear of friendships with girls or boys, this fear of touching or standing close, this fear of what others will think - it is fear. It is pride. It is not of Christ.

There is freedom when living in submission to Christ. You can have pure, good, refreshing, godly friendships with boys and girls and no one can condemn you! It is perfectly possible to spend time with the opposite sex on a friendship basis and remain completely above reproach. You may even develop an attraction to one friend in particular - a crush, perhaps. That is natural. What you do with it is the issue. If you stamp it down and grind it out with legalism and human strength, it will come back ten times stronger. Give it to Christ, and you will be able to maintain a friendship as well as your heart.

God says all throughout Scripture, "Do not be afraid." (Deut. 1:29, Josh. 10:25, 1 Sam. 12:20, 1 Sam. 22:23, Ps. 56:11) Do not be afraid of anything: temptation, emotion, friendships, men, what others may think. If you are indeed of God then you have nothing to be afraid of. You should be perfectly in control of your emotions, perfectly strong in temptation, perfectly at ease in friendships, perfectly respectful to men, and perfectly content to let others think what they may. Because God is perfect, and He is at your side.

So where is your heart? Is it "bottled and shelved" like a keg of beer, fermenting and growing stronger in its pungent smell? Or is it growing free, like a lily in a field, with sun and water and whole host of others around it? The lily white heart is not rotting in a cellar but flourishes where accountability and beauty grow up together. It is not afraid of the thorns and thistles that grow beside it because it knows that it is where it needs to be. Someday someone will pick it, but until that day, it flourishes where it has been planted.

How to be THAT Guy at the Gym

On Tuesday, a friend of mine and I decided to have some girl time. Except it wasn't exclusive girl time considering that her brother was our chauffeur. At any rate, while we were out and about, her brother decided to make a quick stop at the gym to renew his membership while we waited in the car. What was supposed to be a maximum of ten minutes turned out to be much longer and we decided to go in to see what was taking so long. While her brother was still working on the logistics and legal contracting and whatever else goes into renewing a gym membership, I was able to observe several men coming in and out of the gym. Peering through the window to the workout room, immediately my attention was curbed to one man: that guy.

You know the man.

The one person whose exertion not only taxes the limit of his resolve but also that of everyone surrounding. Exercise is not just exercise: it is an accomplishment of Olympic proportions. And you should be taking this as seriously as he is.

As he jogs past you, his sweat conveniently coagulating between two rippling shoulders, he'll give you the glance-and-nod (chin up, not down) between labored breaths, as if to say, "I was you before Old Spice." No wonder people give up on the gym. It's people like this that discourage the common ranks from their goals. Want to get him back? Here's your guide to being "that guy":

1. Enter with style.
Entrance is everything. You'll be entering the gym in street clothes, and by that I don't mean clothes you got out a box on the side of a street. A North Face jacket and dark wash jeans are good basics that just scream 'ATHLETIC." Your casual t-shirt should be tight enough to reveal your pecs, because your coat zipper will only be halfway zipped. You must never zip it up completely. Especially if it is 15 degrees. Macho men are too hot to ever be cold.

2. Execute the Superman.
Although you'd like to eliminate all competition, however fictional, I don't mean a literal execution here. It's lightening-fast locker room change you need to master: street clothes off, gym shorts on. You can leave the t-shirt on - you'll look cool with the sweat on your back. And why dirty more than one shirt? Less laundry for Mom.

3. Stretch like Gumby.
Bend, dip, flail, kick, pull, push, and pretzel your way into limber-land somewhere between the gym entrance and the weight room (aka Man-Cave). Try to do it anywhere there's a door to the entrance so any girls checking in can check out at the same time. Your biceps, that is.

4. Let the sweat drops roll.
Only sweat in socially acceptable areas: middle of the back, neck, temples, hairline, chest, and forearms. You won't be wearing a black t-shirt because the sweat doesn't show up as well. A gray one will do the trick. Lift it up every few minutes to wipe your forehead, because that looks . . . what's the word . . . intense.

5. Perfect the sound effects.
Silent workouts? Unheard of. Your workout should be punctuated with grunts of effort, moans of lament, sighs of relief, and the occasional shout at the gym TV depending on which sport is in season. Oh, and carry a towel around for when you sigh so you can mop your forehead at the same time.

6. Sir, can I get you an exorcist?
Whatever it looks like on the outside, on the inside you're just that more amazing. Your warm-up routine should incorporate moves of Michael Jackson, Charlie Chaplin, and Jack Sparrow. Finish off in a hackney high-step on the treadmill and channel a little demon-possession by thrashing on the floor doing the Bicycle.

7. Express yourself through cardio.
Relieve those job stresses with some intensely macho jumping jacks. Hey, want to forget that awful date yesterday? Break out the jump rope. Grab a medicine ball (because there is nothing more manly than twisting around like an injured bowler) and do some side-to-side crunches to get a washboard worthy of a laundry woman. You never know what cardio could help you find your identity. How do you think Jason Bourne did it?

8. Get a little GQ . . .
The walk out is as imperative as the walk in, and there's a certain way to do it. The shoulders should swing side to side with the upper arms held slightly away from the chest (as if there is an invisible inner tube stuck around one's torso). Walk slowly, glancing casually around the room, until you can execute another Clark Kent transition into the suave street version of your Rambo self.

The Dinner Table

It seems in a schedule that leaves little room for any other description but "busy", that is when the simple joys in living become a huge blessing. Such has been my life for the past week or so (hence, the lack of blogging). Yet, in the midst of a very busy, perhaps even challenging day, there always seems to be a lull in the program that allows me to relax and thoroughly enjoy myself. Such is the case of sitting down and simply enjoying a meal with my family.

Besides the emotional-relational benefits of eating together, numerous studies have proven the many benefits for teens and young children when they have regular sit-down dinners with their families. From decreased likelihood to become involved with drugs and alcohol, to strengthening relationships, the benefits are astounding, and something that should cause us all to pause and take notice. Whether you're married or not, have children, are a stay-at-hommie, or live with a college roommate, or are on your own, there are many benefits to making time to simply sit down and enjoy dinner at the end of the day. Here are a few that I feel are the most beneficial.

Become more conscious
By simply making time to make dinner, you are establishing positive eating habits. You become an active participant of what you eat; meaning, you know what s going into your meals. You receive the satisfaction of what you have just made, especially since you know how much work and planning went into preparing it. It allows for the opportunity to eat a balanced meal that incorporates ingredient that are in season from local farmers.

Strengthen relationships

When dinner is served around a table and not in front of the television, you are expected to communicate without distractions besides eating the food you made. Learning how to listen, look someone in the eye and express thanks, sensing the right times to keep silence, ask questions and get to know someone is a way to continually strengthen any relationship with someone you love and care about. Knowing that someone is curious about your day and ten returning the favor builds a support system that provides a peace of mind because you realize that someone cares, which builds confidence and a sense of direction.

Save money

Cooking at home and serving a meal to family, friends or yourself is a simple way to save money. Eating out, while a treat, can add up if done regularly, and it usually will add to your waistline as well. By making a decision to eat at home more than you eat out will keep money in your pocket that can be served for grander dreams and goals.

Slow down

While sitting down for dinner motivates you to eat slower and enjoy your food, it also gives you permission to slow down in the middle of a possibly very harried schedule. When you slow down enough to savor your food, the conversation and the atmosphere, you allow your mind to relax; you welcome balance into your life and think a bit more clearly.

Learn how to communicate effectively

This particular benefit is something that not everyone learns until they realize they didn't learn it at all. When you learn how to communicate respectful (allowing others to speak, but trusting that you will have the opportunity to be heard as well), you come to realize that communication is a key to working through difficulties and disagreements. Sitting around the table, especially during the holidays and during dinner parties when many different opinions are in the room, typically provokes lively debate. But instead of avoiding the scenario, if you have learned how to communicate in a mature fashion, you don't have to shy away from emotional discussions, but instead revel in them as they allow everyone to have their own ideas and share them without being dismissed.

While it may take more organization and planned ahead, by being pro-active, sitting down to dinner more often can add many wonderful benefits to your life. What are some things you love about sitting down for meals?

Photo courtesy: (1) Pretty Stuff; (2) Dustjacket Attic; (3) A Well Traveled Woman

To read more about the benefits of dinner-table-eating, check out Barilla and The New York Times.

He Leads Me

(Disclaimer: This post is what I call a get-it-out-of-your-system post. Hence, it's bound to be quite rambled and has the potential of not making any sense. Just bear with me.)

Being a high-school senior, I have inevitably fallen into what I believe is perhaps the most pressure-filled, questions-asked, self-security smooshed, at times barely-breathing stage of life. Whoever said being a senior was the best year of your school-age experience probably didn't have a life.

The confusion has beaten me down to absolutely nothing. And it's exactly what I need.

I love organization. I love schedules. I love knowing what I'm doing next. When I was younger (by "younger" I mean only seven months ago . . . what a joke) I had my life organized in two-five year increments. I was going to graduate, work for a year to gain finances for college, and finish my degree within two years. Oh, and Mr. Perfect was more than welcome to walk into the picture whenever he wanted to.

Now my life has turned into something which, seven months ago, I would have called a "nightmare." The Lord has used the pressure and confusion to show me that He is my Source, not myself. Yes, it's great to be organized and have some idea of what you're doing. But through all my organization and "life planning" I came to realize that it was a form of self-security for me. I knew what I was doing. I knew what was going to happen within the next six months. I knew what job I would pursure. It was all about I, me, my, and myself.

Now I'm in a learning process. I'm learning how to depend on Christ for my every-day sustinence. He will lead me in the path I should take. It will happen in His timing. The carpet has been yanked out from underneath me; I have absolutely no idea what I'll end up doing or where I'm going, but He does. And I'm okay with that.

Why Feminism Makes Us Unhappy

Our generation tried. We really did. We embraced education, careers, prominence. We despised all relationships and responsibilities that would hold us back. We moved marriage, mothering and homemaking from the top of our lists to the bottom - or crossed them off all together. After all, we were so much more enlightened than our fore-sisters were. The world had revolved around men, but it was our turn now. We would make it bow to our demands.

We bought into the feminist promise that woman would find happiness and fulfillment when she defined her own identity and decided for herself what life as a woman was all about. How very wrong we were. For ultimately, our identity is a matter decided not by us, but by the One who in the beginning created us male and female.

It’s obvious that the “Leave it to Beaver” model of womanhood—having a husband, a station-wagon full of kids, a house in the ‘burbs, and every possible modern appliance—didn’t bring woman the happiness she desired. As an old, archived 1972 Time magazine article lamented:

"By all rights, the American woman today should be the happiest in history. She is healthier than U.S. women have ever been, better educated, more affluent, better dressed, more comfortable, wooed by advertisers, pampered by gadgets. But there is a worm in the apple. She is restless in her familiar familial role, no longer quite content with the homemaker-wife-mother part in which her society has cast her."

Two years ago, Time magazine devoted an entire issue to “The State of the American Woman.” Writers were confounded by the evidence, tracked by numerous surveys, that as women have gained more education, more economic independence, more power, and more freedom, they have become less and less happy. Ironically, they are unhappier now than when the Feminist movement set about to solve the problem of woman’s unhappiness. The modern ideal for womanhood is even less fulfilling than the one it replaced.

So, should we try to rewind the tape and try to squeeze every woman back into the “Leave it to Beaver” mold? No. We can’t hope to get womanhood right until we understand the ultimate object to which it points. When God created male and female, He provided an object lesson - a parable, as it were - of His entire redemptive plan. Men are to reflect the strength, love and self-sacrifice of Christ. Women are to reflect the character, grace and beauty of the Bride He redeemed. Ultimately, womanhood exists to help display the masterpiece of God.

The implications are staggering. This places womanhood at the center of God’s ultimate purpose. It endows it with supernatural significance and meaning. It provides woman with a framework to understand what her life is all about, what she should value, and how to make choices that align. Time, culture, and circumstances change, but the Bible provides an enduring model for womanhood that goes far beyond a stereotyped, cookie-cutter list of behaviors.

History proves that woman’s happiness is not found in pursuing the current cultural ideal. But that doesn’t mean it’s an elusive goal. My “woman’s history” - and the history of a multitude of sisters who have loved Christ - testifies to the fact that happiness (of the deep, lasting kind) can be found in pursuing the One to whom true womanhood points.

Lessons from a Tomato Vine

Earlier this spring, some wild notion possessed my dad to plant fourteen . . . yes, fourteen tomato plants in our backyard. I still haven't dug deep enough to understand his initial reasoning behind this course of action. At any rate, with summer in full heat, the tomatoes have been ripening left and right. We are very blessed.

When the harvesting first started, I would pull the red, but still hard, tomatoes off the vine and set them on our garden table for them to continue ripening. On the other hand, my mom would take scissors and cut a little piece of the vine along with the fat, juicy red sphere and set it on the table to allow it's ripening to complete.

Well, yesterday morning, Mom came in and exclaimed, "Rebeka, look at these!" I glanced up from reading the local newspaper to see her holding the vine-ripened tomatoes. "You know what this reminds me of?" she asked. Mentally I replied, I know what it reminds me of. Food. Yum. Without waiting for an answer, she explained.

"Remember in the Gospel of John when Jesus talks about how we are to abide in Him? Well, this is a perfect demonstration of that. These tomatoes have ripened better than the ones we picked directly off the plant. And it's the same with our relationship with God. When we abide in Jesus and surrender to His Lordship, He grows us to be a mature branch, enabling us, by His grace, to bring forth blossoming fruit for His glory."

With that, she left me, leaving me to wonder how she could have gotten such a deep spiritual truth from a gnarly tomato vine.

How true it is. I must abide in Christ in order to bear fruit to His Name. I cannot bear fruit on my own authority, thinking that somehow my words and actions will pique others' interest in the Gospel. Only by abiding in Jesus Christ can I have any assurance that my faith is indeed secure.

"Abide in Me, and I in you.

As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself,

unless it abides in the vine,

neither can you, unless you abide in Me.

I am the vine, you are the branches.

He who abides in Me, and I in him,

bears much fruit;

for without Me, you can do nothing.

If anyone does not abide in Me,

he is cast out as a branch and is withered;

and they gather them and throw them into the fire,

and they are burned.

If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you,

you will ask what you desire,

and it shall me done for you.

By this My Father is glorified,

that you bear much fruit;

so you will be My disciples."

~ John 15:4-8 ~

May I always seek the shelter and protection that comes from abiding in the Vine. And, possibly, may I bear much fruit to His Name.

Casual Elegance



Photo courtesy of Meant for Silence

When the phrase "casual elegance" is uttered, a handful of names come to mind - Audrey Hepburn, Selena Gomez, Kate Middleton, and Julie Andrews, among others. All of these women embody the combination of a carefree, relaxed attitude that allows them to appear just as pulled together and sophisticated in a pair of blue jeans as they do in a fresh-off-the-runway designer gown. They don't appear rushed or as if they are trying too hard. They seem very comfortable in their own skin - almost a take-it-or-leave-it attitude without going overboard and still exuding a nearly indescribable quality that makes you just want to enjoy their company. A relaxed refinement or grace, I guess you could say.

So the question I've been trying to figure out is how can I too carry off this casual elegant persona and welcome it into my life, creating a calmer, more relaxed environment that beckons a more playful, yet dignified and purposeful way of life? Here's what I've come up with so far.

Having Manners and an Engaging Sense of Humor

Being elegant requires that you have manners and exhibit proper etiquette, but becoming too refined eliminates the ability to be relaxed because there is so much stress on behaving correctly. By finding the balance of being able to behave respectfully, but being comfortable enough to have a chuckle, you help put others at ease. You set the example of what is expected, as well as what is tolerated because people do make mistakes.



Photo courtesy of Of All Loveliness. . .


Comfortable in a Dress as well as a Pair of Jeans
Now, I have never had the opportunity to wear a specially tailored designer down a red carpet like the talented Natalie Portman, but the idea here is to be able to be confident enough in your body to pull off a beautiful dress and turn around the next day and look smashing in a perfectly sized pair of jeans.

Able to Mix High and Low Fashions with Ease

Staying on the topic of fashion, someone who is casually elegant isn't about labels, but is instead aware of what looks best on their figure. Pairing ballet flats with Levi denim jeans and a navy cashmere sweater reveals to onlookers that you clearly have taste, but are not bragging about how much money you have - in fact, the sweater may be a consignment find you discovered last week while perusing the city, but no on will ever know. In other words, you have style because you know what works well together and what looks best on you.



Photo courtesy of Urban Weeds

 Neutral Decor with Cozy Elements

I like to think of casual elegance in the arena of home decor as the blending of English traditional and French country. By understanding that, a keep-it-simple approach is best for big ticket items - walls, sofas, floors, you name it. A homeowner can then have fun with accessories and create a home that is welcome to everyone, but home-sweet-home to its inhabitants.


Photo courtesy of Google Images

 Able to Converse with a Prince and a Pauper

Casual elegance can quickly be displayed in a person's behavior, but it also reveals itself in the words and conversations each person involves themselves in. Elegance is having a depth of knowledge to enable you to discuss concepts, ideas, and be informed of history and current events. Being casual allows you to recognize when to take it down a notch and make sure whoever you are talking with is comfortable.



Photo courtesy of Google Images

A Quiet Self-Confidence

A person possessing self-confidence isn't arrogant, but calm. Neither are they boisterous, but even-tempered. Having casual elegance in this case is not needing an audience, but attracting one because of a winsome, honest, and non-threatening quality that piques others' interest.

Ability to be Spontaneous without Losing Control

The term casual elegance is itself a balancing act of two somewhat opposing ideas, and so is this last point. Being elegant suggest that almost everything must be planned and adhered to, while casual reflects a more lackadaisical attitude. I believe that the two ideas, when melded together, create a healthy balance, that if anyone stuck to it they would find themselves taking chances that lead to great discovery and moments of unexpected delight. By being spontaneous for those moments that capture your attention and curiosity, but at the same time being able to notice the difference when the idea is just absurd, you are striking a balance that is the essence of being casually elegant.



Photo courtesy of Meant for Silence

The Irreplaceable Beauty of Trial

[Disclaimer: This post is something I like to call a get-it-out-of-your-system post. Therefore, it is more personally related than anything. Though, while it may be random, rambly, muddled, and unclear, I pray someone will be blessed by it.]

This summer marks the three-year anniversary of our family moving to Lancaster County, Pennsylvania.

See, my family and I had been living in Oklahoma for about eight and a half years. I grew up there. The majority of my childhood memories are located there. It was where I "fit." The regional atmosphere and culture seemed to tailored especially to me. It was my home.

A little over three years ago, the Lord directed my parents to move back to Lancaster (my life has been lived between Pennsylvania and Oklahoma). We had family living around there. Some of our life-long friends were there. My parents' roots were there. My father decided that our time in Oklahoma had come to an end for reasons that perhaps I'll explain in a different post. So, we sold our house, packed up our bags, and headed East.

The first 4-5 months went by pretty smoothly. Once it hit 5 1/2 months, however, the move began to wear on me. Finding a church who's doctrine was Biblically sound; the job-hunt for my dad; various illnesses that set our family behind; the need to step out of my little bubble and meet new people - it all began to bog me down. I started to question God's sovereignty. As much as I regret to admit it, I really did hate living here (and in some ways, though to a lesser degree, I still do). If a few months before someone were to tell me my life would be a mess, I would have scoffed. Now it was a reality.

Just last night I was having a chat with myself. I talk to myself. A lot. Laying on my bed, I began to mutter how slow, yet fast, the time has gone since moving. While going through all the things that have happened since moving, I began to see this move in a new light.

Moving here has been the hardest thing in my life. It's been difficult. It's been challenging. It still is difficult and challenging. I most definitely am not at a point where I can say that I am ready to accept Pennsylvania as my home. But over the past year and half, I have been learning that, while I do have negative feelings towards my outward surroundings, I cannot allow them to dictate how I will fulfill God's purpose for me while I'm here. God has planted me here for this season of my life. I don't know how long I'll be here; maybe until I graduate from high school, maybe until I get married, maybe it will be for the rest of my life. But while I am here, I intend, by God's grace, to use my time to fullest. To reach out to those He has placed in my life. To influence those around my for Christ. To take full advantage of the opportunities He has given me. To know that I have lived here and lived here well.

Everyone goes through trials. Some are temporary, others long-lasting. Some can even be akin to what the apostle Paul would describe as a thorn in the flesh (see 2 Corinthians 12:7). Yet, we can choose how we will resource these trials. We can determine whether we will fight against them or allow them to grow us.

"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,

knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.

But let patience have its perfect work,

that you may be perfect and complete,

lacking nothing."

~ James 1:3-4 ~

I still buck against the reality of living here. These three years have been the longest three years of my life. I have begged the Lord to take this burden away from me. And, if not allowing me to live elsewhere, at least to let me get used to living here. I've become angry at Him when it seems He has not answered my prayer.

But He has. Through the pain has come a healing that, without it, I can't imagine where I would be. By entrusting me with this trial, He has entrusted to me the boundless limits of His mercy and grace. I can honestly say that I would go through the whole ordeal again to know the Lord would grow me as much as He has. Should He choose to bless me with this burden my whole life, so be it. I have tested the grace of God and found it not to be lacking. I have tested His mercy and kindness and found it to be in constant supply. I have tested His faithfulness and it is very great. I have eaten the fruit of His goodness each and every day and have found it to be very sweet.

His Ways Are Past Finding Out

A couple days ago, Carissa and I were having what we call a God-is-awesome-chat. The content of such chats is pretty self-explanatory. Basically, we talk about how awesome God is - His character, His love, His redemption and grace, Him. During this particular conversation, Carissa stated how amazing it is that God would choose to love through us - a holy, infallible, and perfect Creator loving through sinful, fallible, rebellious human beings. It truly is a mind-boggling concept. Later, I started mulling another related concept over in my mind: why would God entrust any form of Himself to me?

He promises me His faithfulness . . . even when my heart is turned away to idols. Even when I shake my fist at Him and question His sovereignty.

He gives me both physical and spiritual blessings everyday . . . and yet how often I forget to thank Him.

He has plucked my life from eternal damnation in hell . . . yet, oh, how my heart always lingers on the edge of that fiery pit.

He has set my feet upon the Rock that shall never be moved . . . and I still allow myself to wallow in the sinking sand of false doctrine and diluted post-modern theology.

He has given me His grace . . . but daily I take advantage of it by returning to my sin. How often I make it's power ineffective in my life. How little I have tested its limits by being content with a mediocre level in my work, not pushing myself beyond my capabilities and striving towards a higher standard He has called me to.

His mercy is new every morning . . . oh, how often I tempt Him every hour to turn His hand of wrath against me.

He calls me to be His ambassador . . . worldliness is in my heart and my ability to remain a pure witness for Him has been marred.

He forgave me when I was a helpless sinner, openly defying His name; He didn't expect me to receive it or even take it kindly; He gave it to me freely . . . how seldom I forgive others in that manner.

He gave up His life out of sheer love for me . . . am I willing to die for my love of Christ?

Oh, my soul - live for God!

"Platonic" Relationships

A few weeks ago, I was talking to a friend of mine about the concept of maintaining a platonic relationship with a guy. You know, those friendships where you see the guy and girl meeting for coffee once a week, "spilling the beans" on matters of their heart, and yet they claim they have no romantic interest in one another. And this raised a question in my mind: is it possible to have a strong, one-on-one relationship with a young man and still have no emotional or physical attraction to him?

The term platonic relationship comes from Plato, the Greek philosopher. Plato believed that we humans are preexisting souls encapsulated in physical bodies upon birth. So our bodies are not a part of our essence in the way that our souls are. In other words, the soul of John can be best friends with the soul of Lindsay, but their bodies can be completely absent from the friendship. So John and Lindsay will be "just friends." Neither will develop a romantic or sexual interest in the other.

Does that happen in real life? From our own experiences and from the romantic dramas and comedies that play on this theme, we know things typically go the other way. Why? Because our souls are not compartmentalized from our bodies; we are emotional-physical-spiritual beings. Emotional intimacy is a prelude to physical intimacy, and in marriage these go hand in hand, each promoting the other.

So can a girl be friends with a guy? Sure. Just don't pretend you're compartmentalized. If you aren't interested in pursuing the possibility of marriage with him, keep the emotional intimacy at bay. Emotional intimacy between a man and woman is something that, I believe, is to be reserved for a firm relationship and engagement that is intentionally headed towards marriage and, ultimately, marriage itself. Until a man has shared with the woman his desire to marry her in the near future, the woman should feel no obligation and, honestly, has no business sharing her most intimate feelings with him. Likewise, the man should not feed off of a woman's emotional vulnerability in order to feed his "knight in shining armor" drive. Hearts are no small thing to be tampered with.

A good way to avoid getting too emotionally attached with a guy is, in my view, to cut down or completely cut out one-on-one time with him. While you may not see it as a "date," he might, even if he tells you otherwise. Either he needs to "man up", declare his intentions and set a marriage-oriented direction for the relationship, or he needs to free your time and ultimately your heart for another man.

7 Ways to Charm Your Man

Yesterday my mom and I were over at my grandparents' house, mainly just to check in and see how they're doing since they both are up in years. I love going to their house. It's so full of history. My favorite thing to do is to go through their old belongings (the ones they let people go through, that is . . .); a ration packet from the Great Depression; my grandfather's army badges from World War 2; and then there's the old clothes of the timeless vintage style. Anyways, this particular time, I was browsing through my grandmother's old magazines she had kept throughout the years. I came across an issue of Coronet Magazine, circa 1950. I found this little article entitled "7 Ways to Charm Your Man" and thought it was way too cute to pass up.

1. Your voice must be gentle and warm, then he’ll want to listen to your expressive tones. And you’ll know the value of a soft whisper, but – most important – you’ll know when not to talk.

2. Your laugh . . . that special little chuckle which is all your own . . . the toss of your head as you laugh at his jokes . . . across a crowded room, your secret smile which takes him into your heart.

3. Your hair . . . blowing freely in the wind, tempting him to run his fingers through . . . even the little bit that stands straight up and defies attempts to tidy it – it’s endearing and he’ll love it.

4. Your nose . . . because it’s shiny, although you bemoan the fact and try hard to make the powder stay on . . . the amusing, lovable way you wrinkle it up when something pleases you.

5. Your attention . . . because you are a good listener and take an interest in what he has to say, which makes him feel important; also the encouragement you give him when he feels unsure.

6. Your dress . . . it’s just right for all occasions and you never embarrass him by wearing outrageous styles, colors and trimmings that are fussy and conspicuous . . . and besides, you walk firmly, with upright, graceful carriage, in ridiculously feminine, high-heeled shoes.

7. Your eyes . . . because they are so expressive, sparkling with fun or flashing with anger . . . because they send him charming messages which only he can read, and because they are the windows into which he can look and always be sure of finding the real You.

A Call to Anguish - David Wilkerson

Once again, the ministry of Eric and Leslie Ludy has struck to the heart of what true Christianity is all about. This past weekend, they paid tribute to the recently-killed David Wilkerson, founder of Teen Challenge, hero of the faith, and champion for Christ. The following is a short film featuring part of a sermon Mr. Wilkerson preached entitle "A Call to Anguish." And, again, my eyes were not dry by the end of it.



To read David Wilkerson's last blog entry, go here.

Blow Me Away

This morning I was doing my usual routine of blog surfing and I stumbled upon a highly compelling video on Eric and Leslie Ludy's ministry site. Throughout the whole video, I cried tears of sorrow, repentence, joy, and ultimately, gratitude for all the Savior has done for me.



"Is not the Lamb that was slain worthy to receive the reward of His suffering?

To Be Lost in the Love of My Lord

To be honest, I've always been quite indifferent towards Valentine's Day. I still am. I loath the color red. Seeing little teddy bears holding out heart-shaped pillows with "Be Mine" embroidered across the front is anything but cute. I like the idea of being my own little self everyday, not just on "Single Awareness Day." And, I admit, it's not too hard for me to enjoy being single since I'm not that much of a hopeless romantic anyways.

Yet I realize that all girls aren't like me. Some girls find themselves depressed on the day's leading up to and after Valentine's Day. They feel that twinge of loneliness and wonder when Mr. Darcy will turn up. And, yes, even steel-hardy me feels the "man-ache" every now and then. But it's during the times of impatience and discontent that I find myself evaluating my desires. Why do I feel the need for human love? Why is my heart discontent with all the love my Father has lavished on me already?

Now, please don't misread me. This is not to say one shouldn't desire the love from a fellow human. God created us with an inherent desire to be found loved in the eyes of others. Humans need humans. But when our desire for love outweighs our desperate need to be fulfilled in Christ alone, we are setting ourselves up for a severe disappointment. For every longing our heart craves for, Christ has already made the grade for it.

I want to be loved - ". . . I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you." - Jeremiah 31:3

I want someone to hold my hand - ". . . I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." - Isaiah 41:10

I want to be accepted and valued - ". . . He made us accepted in the Beloved." - Ephesians 1:6

I want someone who will champion my causes, one who is willing to fight for me - "The Lord will fight for you . . . " - Exodus 14:14

I want someone to help me - "There is no one like the God of Jeshurun, who rides the heavens to help you . . ." - Deuteronomy 33:26

I don't want to have to bear the load of life on my own - "Even to your old age, I am He, and even to gray hairs I will carry you! I have made, and I will bear; Even I will carry and will deliver you." - Isaiah 46:4

There are many, many more desires my heart longs for in regards to love. But what use is it to worry about my future? Who am I to desire anything else than what God has willed for my life right now? It is utter foolishness to believe that any human could instantaneously fulfill my heart. Every-day interactions with people prove this fact.

If I do not look to Christ to fulfill my heart, there is no way I could possibly bring even a small amount of fulfillment to a man. An unfullfilled human brings less than fulfillment to another human. Oh, how my heart longs for its desires to be reconciled with the love of Christ! May my heart always find refuge in Christ, my God. May I look to His Word as a comfort in times of loneliness, His grace in times of weakness, and His enduring faithfulness and love to calm my restless soul.

Why I Love Being Feminine

Photo Courtesy of A Lady's Findings

It's wonderful being a girl. So many times it's the little, seemingly-insignificant things that delight the feminine class. Perhaps this post may seem a bit rambled, but here are some of my favorite and enjoyable side effects to being feminine.

- The graceful movement of tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear while I type on my laptop in a cafe'.

- The mystery of having a smile teasing my lips as I shop for romaine lettuce and bell peppers.

- The dignified feeling that comes when I stand with my shoulders back and head slightly tilted upwards.

- Enjoying a spontaneous skip or hop every once in a while - no matter who sees.

- The soft scent of powder makeup.

- Wearing ribbon in my hair that was salvaged from the wrapping of the gift from my valentine.

- The swish of my skirt as I sit down in the car.

- The prim sound of heels clipping against the pavement.

- Knowing that a flower can immediately transform any hair catastrophe.

- The light reflected from sparkly jewelry.

- Walking through the fabric store and picking out my wedding colors.

- The ability to "brain laugh" when a boy gawks at my brightly colored rain boots.

- Ruffled necklines.

- The domestic feeling that surges through me when I put on an apron.

- Adding curlicues and swirlygigs to my writing.

- Silently reveling in the "please-clarify" look of the young man who takes my complicated order at Starbucks.

- The distinguished air that only women can hold.

I know there are more perks to being feminine out there - what are yours?

The Great Proposal

One of my favorite things ever is to hear an engagement story. The mystery, the anticipation, the rumors about the purchase of a ring, and finally the big announcement all culminate to produce a wonderful story of love and joy. I've already "planned" how my proposal will happen, provided that it is in the Lord's will. Yes, I know it will never happen how I've predetermined, but it's always fun to dream.

A few months ago, I was sick with a cold and couldn't go to church with my family. While I was in my room praying and overall talking about my day with the Lord, I started daydreaming about my proposal. Would it be in the living room with my family present or just the two of us on the sofa? Would it be at a restaurant or down by the creek behind our house? Would I expect it or would it be a surprise? All these thoughts crowded into my mind and I began to tell the Lord about them. A few minutes passed by while I kept on dreaming until I felt an impression to look up a verse in the book of Revelation.

"And the Spirit and the bride say,

'Come!'

And let him who hears say,

'Come!'

And let him who thirsts come.

Whoever desires, let him take

the water of life freely."

~ Revelation 22:17 ~

I realized that while I was dreaming about how my "real" proposal would go, here the Lord was inviting me to come to Him. All that I need is found in Christ alone. While I may long for love, Christ fulfilled that need when He paid for my sin on the cross. He lavishes His grace on me everyday through the blessings He gives. Jesus extends His hand of invitation to every one of us. It's up to us to accept His free gift of love and grace.

". . . 'I am the bread of life.

He who comes to Me shall never hunger,

and he who believes in Me

shall never thirst.'"

~ John 6:35 ~

I will never be disappointed if I find my fulfillment in Christ alone. Yes, my soul will be distracted by the things of the world. But my prayer everyday is that my soul would awaken to the grand proposal the Lord holds out to me - walking with the Creator of the universe every single day. I do look forward to the day that I will marry. But during this season of singleness, I desire for my soul to be set in finding its satisfaction in Christ alone. While it is wonderful to be loved by a human being, how much more wonderful be called a lover of God!

I Am Resolved

As the new year approaches, people generally make goals for the next year. Exercise and diet, interesting places to travel to, hobbies to experiment with, new foods to taste, and countless other "to-do's" make the list. I personally have never found making resolutions too helpful. I'll fall into one of three categories.

1. For one, I never write them down. Hence, I forget them by January 2nd.
2. I'll make resolutions I could never possibly do. ("Become an acrobat.")
3. I'll make resolutions that I absolutely have no desire to achieve. ("Learn Swahili.")

However, at every year's end, I always read over and am fascinated by the resolutions of Jonathan Edwards. His desire to please the Lord through his life is made evidenced by these life goals. As I was reading through them on Saturday, number 53 jumped out at me.

"Resolved, to improve every opportunity,

when I am in the best and happiest frame of mind,

to cast and venture my soul on the Lord Jesus Christ,

to trust and confide in him,

and consecrate myself wholly to him;

that from this I may have assurance of my safety,

knowing that I confide in my Redeemer."

~ Jonathan Edwards ~

How I desire that trait to be my resolution, not just for the year, but for my whole life. God alone is my only Sustenance. Jesus, my only hope of salvation. He gives me grace for every trial and delivers me from every temptation. He holds the universe in His hands, and yet He cares about every detail of my life, from my wishes and desires to the intimate cares of my heart. Christ deserves all I am. May my life be hidden in Christ my Savior, and may its trust be not in the things of the world, but in the knowledge that He is all I need.