"Platonic" Relationships

A few weeks ago, I was talking to a friend of mine about the concept of maintaining a platonic relationship with a guy. You know, those friendships where you see the guy and girl meeting for coffee once a week, "spilling the beans" on matters of their heart, and yet they claim they have no romantic interest in one another. And this raised a question in my mind: is it possible to have a strong, one-on-one relationship with a young man and still have no emotional or physical attraction to him?

The term platonic relationship comes from Plato, the Greek philosopher. Plato believed that we humans are preexisting souls encapsulated in physical bodies upon birth. So our bodies are not a part of our essence in the way that our souls are. In other words, the soul of John can be best friends with the soul of Lindsay, but their bodies can be completely absent from the friendship. So John and Lindsay will be "just friends." Neither will develop a romantic or sexual interest in the other.

Does that happen in real life? From our own experiences and from the romantic dramas and comedies that play on this theme, we know things typically go the other way. Why? Because our souls are not compartmentalized from our bodies; we are emotional-physical-spiritual beings. Emotional intimacy is a prelude to physical intimacy, and in marriage these go hand in hand, each promoting the other.

So can a girl be friends with a guy? Sure. Just don't pretend you're compartmentalized. If you aren't interested in pursuing the possibility of marriage with him, keep the emotional intimacy at bay. Emotional intimacy between a man and woman is something that, I believe, is to be reserved for a firm relationship and engagement that is intentionally headed towards marriage and, ultimately, marriage itself. Until a man has shared with the woman his desire to marry her in the near future, the woman should feel no obligation and, honestly, has no business sharing her most intimate feelings with him. Likewise, the man should not feed off of a woman's emotional vulnerability in order to feed his "knight in shining armor" drive. Hearts are no small thing to be tampered with.

A good way to avoid getting too emotionally attached with a guy is, in my view, to cut down or completely cut out one-on-one time with him. While you may not see it as a "date," he might, even if he tells you otherwise. Either he needs to "man up", declare his intentions and set a marriage-oriented direction for the relationship, or he needs to free your time and ultimately your heart for another man.

7 Ways to Charm Your Man

Yesterday my mom and I were over at my grandparents' house, mainly just to check in and see how they're doing since they both are up in years. I love going to their house. It's so full of history. My favorite thing to do is to go through their old belongings (the ones they let people go through, that is . . .); a ration packet from the Great Depression; my grandfather's army badges from World War 2; and then there's the old clothes of the timeless vintage style. Anyways, this particular time, I was browsing through my grandmother's old magazines she had kept throughout the years. I came across an issue of Coronet Magazine, circa 1950. I found this little article entitled "7 Ways to Charm Your Man" and thought it was way too cute to pass up.

1. Your voice must be gentle and warm, then he’ll want to listen to your expressive tones. And you’ll know the value of a soft whisper, but – most important – you’ll know when not to talk.

2. Your laugh . . . that special little chuckle which is all your own . . . the toss of your head as you laugh at his jokes . . . across a crowded room, your secret smile which takes him into your heart.

3. Your hair . . . blowing freely in the wind, tempting him to run his fingers through . . . even the little bit that stands straight up and defies attempts to tidy it – it’s endearing and he’ll love it.

4. Your nose . . . because it’s shiny, although you bemoan the fact and try hard to make the powder stay on . . . the amusing, lovable way you wrinkle it up when something pleases you.

5. Your attention . . . because you are a good listener and take an interest in what he has to say, which makes him feel important; also the encouragement you give him when he feels unsure.

6. Your dress . . . it’s just right for all occasions and you never embarrass him by wearing outrageous styles, colors and trimmings that are fussy and conspicuous . . . and besides, you walk firmly, with upright, graceful carriage, in ridiculously feminine, high-heeled shoes.

7. Your eyes . . . because they are so expressive, sparkling with fun or flashing with anger . . . because they send him charming messages which only he can read, and because they are the windows into which he can look and always be sure of finding the real You.