I Give You My Heart

One of the themes of Christmas that my parents drilled into me when I was younger was giving. God the Father gave His Son for the world. Mary gave her body and soul as servant to the Most High God. The Magi traveled "field and fountain, moor and mountain" to bring the Christchild such regal gifts as gold, frankincense, and myrrh.

When I was younger, our family had the tradition of making a Christmas ornament that represented something we wanted to give Jesus. On Christmas Day, we would sit around the living room and discuss our ornament; what did we choose to give and why? how can we bless the Lord with our gift? One year I gave my tricycle; another, my puppy. From music awards to the pear tree in our backyard, it seemed God got them all.

Recently, I found myself evaluating my own life, asking what can I give that would bring honor and glory to Christ? While the days of construction paper and glitter overkill are long-gone, there must be something that is of worth and value that I can give Him.

To be completely honest, there isn't.

As I've continued to grow in Christ, I have come to the seemingly obvious realization that there is not one thing on earth that He desires more than our heart. What's more, He isn't looking for one that is continually right, always receiving praise and position, always hitting the beat every time. I mean, if God has blessed you with such a life, all glory and honor be to Him! But, frankly, that isn't the case with me.

This month of December has probably been the toughest out of this half-year. (I say half-year because I don't remember the first six months of this year too well to say whether or not this month has been the worst in the entire year.) Various things have happened in my life that, whether they be hurtful or humiliating, each one has beaten my soul down to a critically low point. Thank God for His grace to work with us in our time of need!

Yesterday morning I was working through a few things with the Lord. While turning to my mark in Psalms (the book I'm currently going through), the Lord spoke loud and clear yet again through the comfort of His word.

"For You do not desire sacrifice,

or else I would give it;

You do not delight in burnt offering.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,

A broken and a contrite heart -

These, O God, You will not despise."

~ Psalm 51:16-17 ~

King David wrote these words in his "repentance psalm" after he committed adultery with Bathsheba. Of all places, in the midst of his sin, he had the faith to believe that God would take his sinful heart and turn it into something worthy of His glory. (And the Lord did just that.)

We all go through things that weigh us down and perhaps break our spirit. The death of a loved one. The pain of divorce. Cancer. The betrayal of those we love. The cutting off of a relationship. Witnessing a friend go down the wrong path. Receiving the diagnoses of a terminal disease. Abuse. Each of us carry some sort of pain and heartache around in life. I am currently working through a painful situation. And while I can't offer any "professional" advice, all I can say is - offer that pain to the Lord. Invite Him to feel it with you. He does not look down upon our anger, guilt, or sadness; things that other people may label as "no big deal." Rather, these are the exact things He desires in a heart that is yielded to His will. He is not a distant Being that cannot relate to our suffering (see Hebrews 4:15). Rather, He has known pain that, praise be to Him, we will never need to experience.

This Christmas, my desire is to surrender my pain to the Lord. To thrust my burdens on Him everyday. To be yoked to His will each day. To live in freedom rather than pridefully holding onto my hurt. Yes, it's difficult. Each day presents new challenges of its own. But I would be smothered if I did not have that ray of hope, the light at the end of the tunnel named the Cross of Christ. He delights to feel my pain. He wants to "do this with me." He is my Father; I can hide nothing from Him. Through pain or pleasure, guilt or pardon - He is my Savior.

This Christmas, I give Him my heart.

Bottled and Shelved

I've seen it happen all too often.

A girl, pure and committed, living by every rule and guideline in the "book," yet confused, afraid, and guilty over her own natural emotions. If feelings arose for someone she tamped them down, stifled them, and corked it all in, not to see the light day . . . but then at night, they came flooding back . . . and there was nothing she could do but stifle them all over again.

I've seen it destroy. Those natural emotions that we have been given by God cannot be contained in so extreme a measure and allow us to still operate in freedom. We become slaves to our emotions, constantly battling ourselves and feeling guilty because of it - when those emotions are part of our very nature. The extremity of measure taken to keep a heart "pure" can instead cause it to internalize natural desires, and eventually this leads to rebellion.

What is a pure heart? It is not a heart in slavery to rule and regulation. It is disciplined, yes, but it is not bound and shackled to keep it in submission. A pure heart is free of corruption, pride, selfishness, and fear. But most importantly . . . a pure heart is free. Just free.

If there is anything that peeves me about the purity movement, it is the stifling of emotion that so many girls tend to do. It is this tamped down, corked in, wound-up society of hearts that have natural, God-given desires for love and affection and friendship - without an avenue to vent those desires. Friendships with boys are forbidden or closely censored, and any feelings a girl or boy may have is told to be stuffed away for That Great Day In The Future.

It is not effective. It is not safe. This fear of relationships in high school, simply because we are devoted to purity, will prove to be the destruction of our commitment if we do not realize that in Christ, we have a marvelous freedom! It is our own choice to use this freedom for good or ill - but we're free all the same! This fear of friendships with girls or boys, this fear of touching or standing close, this fear of what others will think - it is fear. It is pride. It is not of Christ.

There is freedom when living in submission to Christ. You can have pure, good, refreshing, godly friendships with boys and girls and no one can condemn you! It is perfectly possible to spend time with the opposite sex on a friendship basis and remain completely above reproach. You may even develop an attraction to one friend in particular - a crush, perhaps. That is natural. What you do with it is the issue. If you stamp it down and grind it out with legalism and human strength, it will come back ten times stronger. Give it to Christ, and you will be able to maintain a friendship as well as your heart.

God says all throughout Scripture, "Do not be afraid." (Deut. 1:29, Josh. 10:25, 1 Sam. 12:20, 1 Sam. 22:23, Ps. 56:11) Do not be afraid of anything: temptation, emotion, friendships, men, what others may think. If you are indeed of God then you have nothing to be afraid of. You should be perfectly in control of your emotions, perfectly strong in temptation, perfectly at ease in friendships, perfectly respectful to men, and perfectly content to let others think what they may. Because God is perfect, and He is at your side.

So where is your heart? Is it "bottled and shelved" like a keg of beer, fermenting and growing stronger in its pungent smell? Or is it growing free, like a lily in a field, with sun and water and whole host of others around it? The lily white heart is not rotting in a cellar but flourishes where accountability and beauty grow up together. It is not afraid of the thorns and thistles that grow beside it because it knows that it is where it needs to be. Someday someone will pick it, but until that day, it flourishes where it has been planted.