20 Things I've Managed to Learn Before Turning 20

1. Never do things halfway. Whether it's a night out with friends or writing a term paper, give all of yourself.

2. People don't have much tolerance for this, but it really is okay to not know. 

3. Never tell a person they look tired.

4. You have every right to cut off a toxic relationship. Friends don't tear down, they build up.

5. Just like paint will always chip and rain will always fall, loss will always be a part of life.

6. If you offer to help someone, follow through.

7. Be kind to people who work in retail and food service.

8. Stop saying "But what if I am not able to?" and give yourself a chance.

9. Don't fall into that idea that your first love has to be your best. You could fall in love three times and still not find the right one, but none of it is going to make "the one" matter less.

10. Let someone know you're not interested, both in relationships and to the telemarketer.

11. Firsts are going to be messy. First dates, first kiss, first failed test, first time you drive a car - first times were made to be imperfect.

12. Actually "hang out sometime."

13. Be a little more honest.

14. Get another scoop of ice cream.

15. Let yourself be alone, for just an hour or a couple years.

16. Don't get hung up over insensitive comments made by people who don't even know you.

17. Send more letters (not emails) and gifts.

18. Give more genuine complements.

19. Have more patience while waiting at stop lights.

20. Life is too short to not be alive, to not be passionate, and overflowing.

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Change

Hey folks.

When I originally started this blog almost four years ago, my focus was exploring what it meant to walk out biblical womanhood in a society that mocks upright living. I was a young girl at the time, and navigating a subject that I was still pretty naïve about probably wasn't the best of ideas, but it turns out that other young people, both girls and guys, are interested in such topics as dating, marriage, and other related what-have-you, and they decided to read. I'm thankful for you all.

Now, I am an adult woman. I've grown, experienced a lot more life, honed my opinions, become more open-minded, more educated. Through this growth, this miserly corner of the bloggersphere has become a little writing nook for me to jot down my thoughts. Introversion, spiritual ponderings, and humble honesty are what make the ink flow now. I'm not compelled to write about hemlines and housekeeping as I am of love and light.

With this change of focus, I decided to change the title of this blog to "exhale." (So not original, I wasn't really trying to be.) To exhale is to breathe out, relax, let go. Funny as it may sound, that is what writing is to me. I process, express, be through writing. I can't get any more real or authentic than I am with the written word. Whether it's posting a saint-written prayer that resonates with my soul or trying to make sense of my inward mumbo-jumbo, this blog is a curation of who I am in the moment.

The blog's address will still be the same, for now at least, partially because I'm too lazy to come up with a new url, partially because all the exhale-esque addresses are taken. But new name, new design, repurposed intent.

It's just me and Him, exploring life together, taking rabbit trails, and looking ahead to final Glory.

Love and Fear

I had a birthday a few months ago. Having a summer birthday keeps the middle of the year fresh. Gives you a chance to look back and see how much you've accomplished thus far while offering a rejuvenated sense of determination and inspiration to finish out the year strong.

I had a few new experiences this year. I got to take part in the congressional swearing-in ceremony at the state capitol. I went to my first opera. Started performing violin again. I got my driver's license. Developed a taste for coffee. I became a manager at my job. And much more, both good and bad.

At the beginning of this physical year, my fear of the future became the foundation to understanding the power of God's presence. My notion that fears only apply to the physical realm has been proven wrong as now, three months into this new year of life, He has placed me on the battleground to face my first real combat: the fear of love.

I've gone through my fair share with people and relationships for a while now. The main gist being, you love hard, you get screwed over. It's difficult for me to sincerely care about a person and people in general to begin with, but when that rarity happens, I put all I am into it. My heart is theirs to wrench, wring out, and repeat. And, except for three steady people in my life, that is exactly what has happened every single time I put myself out there for the sake of loving and caring.

Walls have since been raised.

It's odd, however. We think we're protecting ourselves from hurt by barricading ourselves from it, when the reality is, we must keep loving in order to heal.

Through this drawn-out season, He's been very gentle. He's given me a break when life hasn't. He's shown me that even though love and I aren't on very good terms at the moment, I am still worthy to receive all the Love in the world He has to offer. Not only am I learning how to love. I'm learning how to be loved.

So here I am. On the cusp of a new journey, one that I know is going to be hard and painful, but I have a good feeling about it. Vulnerability would seem to make a flimsy shield and trust is a sword I'm not too keen over. Yet, it is only in stripped-down frailty that strength is restored to a feeble-kneed soul. I am ready to be made whole. I am ready to relationship with truth and grace. Though human love may disappoint, I am ready to live from a heart of overflow that draws from the Source of Love itself.

"There is no fear in love;

but perfect love casts out fear."

~ 1 John 4:18a ~