new years

"Forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 
I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 3:13-14

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Soapbox

I'd just like to take this opportunity to get up on my soapbox and say:

Stop looking for your future husband everywhere you go. He's probably not in your history class or sitting across from you in the library or the cute barista at the coffee shop. Stop worrying. Just because a man does not desire you does not mean that you are undesirable.

The Lord is not a matchmaker - He does not owe you a husband. Stop using Him as a stepping stone to your idols.

K, bi.

Semester's end//winter comforts.

All Your ways are true,

You fail me not.

You're faithful to me.

- sisterbrother, Faithful

The Unseen Presence in the Basement

I heard a cry from the basement.

"Wuhbekuh! Where are you?"

"Hang on, baby, I'm just getting lunch ready."

"But it's really dark down here!" (Nevermind the light was on and the window was open with a full noon sun beating through.)

I poked my head down the staircase. "Don't worry, I'm still here."

While this is a memory from my babysitting days, I find it to be a fitting illustration of my general life standing.

I've been in the "basement" for about a year now. You know, that place in life where you're doing something that you're pretty sure is on the right track, but you're wanting/needing to get further along? Some people call it a "rutt," I think.

I've been getting impatient with myself. Partly due to the fact that I genuinely am not entirely sure which way I want to go with my interests vs. desires, and that really freaks me out. The other half due to well-meaning adults thinking that I would actually know the answer to questions like "Where do you see yourself in five years", "Is your area of interest one you would feel financially secure in?", or "Do you plan on getting married and starting a family?" These legitimate concerns further exacerbate the first point of the problem, and land me back at square one.

I hate not knowing. I hate not knowing the answer to a basic history fact. I hate not knowing what is going on with people I care about. I hate when I'm standing in line at Panera and my indecisive brain goes off like a siren because I'm still not sure what I'm going to order even though the menu board is right in front of me. And I especially hate not knowing what I'm going to wind up doing in the future.

Yet, herein lies the gem. Only in recent months have I come to discover one of the world's best kept secrets: it's okay to not know.

Dear Me: it's okay to not know.

Because in this not knowing, this pit, this rutt - the Almighty is at work. Just because cymbals aren't crashing doesn't mean He's not gently molding and probing and creating. Just because I can't see Him doesn't mean He isn't there.

And so I'm learning to sit still. To gaze on His face and let the worries grow dim. When the anxiety comes like a restless wave, memories of His goodness and faithfulness reassure me of His Presence. He is holy, and He is here.

"Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believed."

~ John 20:29 ~

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The Passion of the Prayer

During a time of prayer and meditation, these parallels between the Passion narratives and the prayer of Our Lord came to mind.  From a spiritual perspective, it is clear that the life of Jesus in its final hours embodied the very answer to the prayer He taught us.

Our Father who art in Heaven

"Jesus spoke these words, lifted up His eyes to heaven, and said: 'Father, the hour has come. Glorify Your Son, that Your Son also may glorify You…’" – John 17:1

Hallowed be Thy Name

“I have manifested Your Name to the men whom You have given Me out of the world. They were Yours, You gave them to Me, and they have kept Your Word.” – John 17:6

Thy Kingdom come

“For I say to you, I will not drink of the fruit of the vine until the kingdom of God comes.” – Luke 22:18

"Now a vessel full of sour wine was sitting there; and they filled a sponge with sour wind, put it on hyssop, and put it to His mouth. So when Jesus had received the sour wine, He said, 'It is finished!' And bowing His head, He gave up His spirit." – John 19:29-30

Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven

"He went a little farther, and fell on His face, and prayed, saying, 'O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from Me: nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.'" – Matthew 26:39

Give us this day our daily bread

"And as they were eating, Jesus took bread, blessed and broke it, and gave it to them and said, 'Take, eat; this is My body.'” – Mark 14:22

And forgive us our trespasses

"Then He took the cup, and gave thanks, and gave it to them, saying, 'Drink from it, all of you. For this is My blood of the new covenant, which is shed for many for the remission of sins.'" - Matthew 26:27-28

As we forgive those who trespass against us

"And when they had come to the place called Calvary, there they crucified Him, and the criminals, one on the right hand and the other on the left.  Then Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.'” - Luke 23:33-34

And lead us not into temptation

"Then He came to the disciples and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, 'What! Could you not watch with Me one hour? Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.'" - Matthew 26: 40-41

But deliver us from evil

"'When I was with you daily in the temple, you did not try to seize Me. But this is your hour, and the power of darkness.'"  – Luke 22:53

For Thine is the Kingdom…   

"Jesus answered, 'My kingdom is not of this world. If My kingdom were of this world, My servants would fight, so that I should not be delivered to the Jews; but now My kingdom is not from here.'” – John 18:36

and the Power…

"Then Pilate said to Him, 'Are You not speaking to me? Do You not know that I have power to crucify You, and power to release You?' Jesus answered, 'You could have no power at all against Me unless it had been given you from above.'" – John 19:10-11

and the Glory forever.

"But Jesus kept silent. And the high priest answered and said to Him, 'I put You under oath by the living God: Tell us if You are the Christ, the Son of God!' Jesus said to him, 'It is as you said. Nevertheless, I say to you, hereafter you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Power, and coming on the clouds of heaven.'" – Matthew 26:63-64

Amen.