A few weeks ago, I was talking to a friend of mine about the concept of maintaining a platonic relationship with a guy. You know, those friendships where you see the guy and girl meeting for coffee once a week, "spilling the beans" on matters of their heart, and yet they claim they have no romantic interest in one another. And this raised a question in my mind: is it possible to have a strong, one-on-one relationship with a young man and still have no emotional or physical attraction to him?
The term platonic relationship comes from Plato, the Greek philosopher. Plato believed that we humans are preexisting souls encapsulated in physical bodies upon birth. So our bodies are not a part of our essence in the way that our souls are. In other words, the soul of John can be best friends with the soul of Lindsay, but their bodies can be completely absent from the friendship. So John and Lindsay will be "just friends." Neither will develop a romantic or sexual interest in the other.
Does that happen in real life? From our own experiences and from the romantic dramas and comedies that play on this theme, we know things typically go the other way. Why? Because our souls are not compartmentalized from our bodies; we are emotional-physical-spiritual beings. Emotional intimacy is a prelude to physical intimacy, and in marriage these go hand in hand, each promoting the other.
So can a girl be friends with a guy? Sure. Just don't pretend you're compartmentalized. If you aren't interested in pursuing the possibility of marriage with him, keep the emotional intimacy at bay. Emotional intimacy between a man and woman is something that, I believe, is to be reserved for a firm relationship and engagement that is intentionally headed towards marriage and, ultimately, marriage itself. Until a man has shared with the woman his desire to marry her in the near future, the woman should feel no obligation and, honestly, has no business sharing her most intimate feelings with him. Likewise, the man should not feed off of a woman's emotional vulnerability in order to feed his "knight in shining armor" drive. Hearts are no small thing to be tampered with.
A good way to avoid getting too emotionally attached with a guy is, in my view, to cut down or completely cut out one-on-one time with him. While you may not see it as a "date," he might, even if he tells you otherwise. Either he needs to "man up", declare his intentions and set a marriage-oriented direction for the relationship, or he needs to free your time and ultimately your heart for another man.
3 comments:
Ummm... loved this!
I love this. you're so right, Rebeka. Last summer, I became very close friends to a very godly guy in my church. I told myself that although we did talk about just about everything and talked all the time, it was just a normal friendship and I didn't like him. Well, this summer comes around and he's hanging out with some other girl. I'm in the background now. I lost his friendship and quite honestly, a piece of my heart. I was heartbroken over it. I was angry and upset at him. He led me on to believe that we might be headed towards marriage (he implied and even talked about it once). I didn't think so, but I did become emotionally attached. I've forgiven him, but it still hurts. and it's totally awkward to hang out with him now. Please girls, read this post and don't make my mistake. it's not worth it. :(
Awesome post, Rebeka! So true! :)
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