[Disclaimer: This post is something I like to call a get-it-out-of-your-system post. Therefore, it is more personally related than anything. Though, while it may be random, rambly, muddled, and unclear, I pray someone will be blessed by it.]
This summer marks the three-year anniversary of our family moving to Lancaster County, Pennsylvania.
See, my family and I had been living in Oklahoma for about eight and a half years. I grew up there. The majority of my childhood memories are located there. It was where I "fit." The regional atmosphere and culture seemed to tailored especially to me. It was my home.
A little over three years ago, the Lord directed my parents to move back to Lancaster (my life has been lived between Pennsylvania and Oklahoma). We had family living around there. Some of our life-long friends were there. My parents' roots were there. My father decided that our time in Oklahoma had come to an end for reasons that perhaps I'll explain in a different post. So, we sold our house, packed up our bags, and headed East.
The first 4-5 months went by pretty smoothly. Once it hit 5 1/2 months, however, the move began to wear on me. Finding a church who's doctrine was Biblically sound; the job-hunt for my dad; various illnesses that set our family behind; the need to step out of my little bubble and meet new people - it all began to bog me down. I started to question God's sovereignty. As much as I regret to admit it, I really did hate living here (and in some ways, though to a lesser degree, I still do). If a few months before someone were to tell me my life would be a mess, I would have scoffed. Now it was a reality.
Just last night I was having a chat with myself. I talk to myself. A lot. Laying on my bed, I began to mutter how slow, yet fast, the time has gone since moving. While going through all the things that have happened since moving, I began to see this move in a new light.
Moving here has been the hardest thing in my life. It's been difficult. It's been challenging. It still is difficult and challenging. I most definitely am not at a point where I can say that I am ready to accept Pennsylvania as my home. But over the past year and half, I have been learning that, while I do have negative feelings towards my outward surroundings, I cannot allow them to dictate how I will fulfill God's purpose for me while I'm here. God has planted me here for this season of my life. I don't know how long I'll be here; maybe until I graduate from high school, maybe until I get married, maybe it will be for the rest of my life. But while I am here, I intend, by God's grace, to use my time to fullest. To reach out to those He has placed in my life. To influence those around my for Christ. To take full advantage of the opportunities He has given me. To know that I have lived here and lived here well.
Everyone goes through trials. Some are temporary, others long-lasting. Some can even be akin to what the apostle Paul would describe as a thorn in the flesh (see 2 Corinthians 12:7). Yet, we can choose how we will resource these trials. We can determine whether we will fight against them or allow them to grow us.
I still buck against the reality of living here. These three years have been the longest three years of my life. I have begged the Lord to take this burden away from me. And, if not allowing me to live elsewhere, at least to let me get used to living here. I've become angry at Him when it seems He has not answered my prayer.
But He has. Through the pain has come a healing that, without it, I can't imagine where I would be. By entrusting me with this trial, He has entrusted to me the boundless limits of His mercy and grace. I can honestly say that I would go through the whole ordeal again to know the Lord would grow me as much as He has. Should He choose to bless me with this burden my whole life, so be it. I have tested the grace of God and found it not to be lacking. I have tested His mercy and kindness and found it to be in constant supply. I have tested His faithfulness and it is very great. I have eaten the fruit of His goodness each and every day and have found it to be very sweet.
This summer marks the three-year anniversary of our family moving to Lancaster County, Pennsylvania.
See, my family and I had been living in Oklahoma for about eight and a half years. I grew up there. The majority of my childhood memories are located there. It was where I "fit." The regional atmosphere and culture seemed to tailored especially to me. It was my home.
A little over three years ago, the Lord directed my parents to move back to Lancaster (my life has been lived between Pennsylvania and Oklahoma). We had family living around there. Some of our life-long friends were there. My parents' roots were there. My father decided that our time in Oklahoma had come to an end for reasons that perhaps I'll explain in a different post. So, we sold our house, packed up our bags, and headed East.
The first 4-5 months went by pretty smoothly. Once it hit 5 1/2 months, however, the move began to wear on me. Finding a church who's doctrine was Biblically sound; the job-hunt for my dad; various illnesses that set our family behind; the need to step out of my little bubble and meet new people - it all began to bog me down. I started to question God's sovereignty. As much as I regret to admit it, I really did hate living here (and in some ways, though to a lesser degree, I still do). If a few months before someone were to tell me my life would be a mess, I would have scoffed. Now it was a reality.
Just last night I was having a chat with myself. I talk to myself. A lot. Laying on my bed, I began to mutter how slow, yet fast, the time has gone since moving. While going through all the things that have happened since moving, I began to see this move in a new light.
Moving here has been the hardest thing in my life. It's been difficult. It's been challenging. It still is difficult and challenging. I most definitely am not at a point where I can say that I am ready to accept Pennsylvania as my home. But over the past year and half, I have been learning that, while I do have negative feelings towards my outward surroundings, I cannot allow them to dictate how I will fulfill God's purpose for me while I'm here. God has planted me here for this season of my life. I don't know how long I'll be here; maybe until I graduate from high school, maybe until I get married, maybe it will be for the rest of my life. But while I am here, I intend, by God's grace, to use my time to fullest. To reach out to those He has placed in my life. To influence those around my for Christ. To take full advantage of the opportunities He has given me. To know that I have lived here and lived here well.
Everyone goes through trials. Some are temporary, others long-lasting. Some can even be akin to what the apostle Paul would describe as a thorn in the flesh (see 2 Corinthians 12:7). Yet, we can choose how we will resource these trials. We can determine whether we will fight against them or allow them to grow us.
"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,
knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.
But let patience have its perfect work,
that you may be perfect and complete,
lacking nothing."
~ James 1:3-4 ~
I still buck against the reality of living here. These three years have been the longest three years of my life. I have begged the Lord to take this burden away from me. And, if not allowing me to live elsewhere, at least to let me get used to living here. I've become angry at Him when it seems He has not answered my prayer.
But He has. Through the pain has come a healing that, without it, I can't imagine where I would be. By entrusting me with this trial, He has entrusted to me the boundless limits of His mercy and grace. I can honestly say that I would go through the whole ordeal again to know the Lord would grow me as much as He has. Should He choose to bless me with this burden my whole life, so be it. I have tested the grace of God and found it not to be lacking. I have tested His mercy and kindness and found it to be in constant supply. I have tested His faithfulness and it is very great. I have eaten the fruit of His goodness each and every day and have found it to be very sweet.
2 comments:
Very good, Rebeka. :) That is an extremely valuable bit of wisdom: hold on to it tightly. It will come in handy many more times, I'm sure. :)
God is good, even when it hurts!
I believe I know how you feel. My family was in the military for years and it was normal to live in a new home every year or so. So when we finally settled down a bit (three years) is was like...hmm... sweet relief. Then we suddenly packed up and moved to California.
Though at the time it was shocking, and I swayed a bit questioning God's reasoning, now I have learned that when God asks us to trust Him, He shines His light on our path just far enough to take the next step so we rely on Him and learn to trust Him. For if we always knew what was ahead, why would we rely on God?
Yet while I trust God I remind myself, I will NEVER be completely satisfied with my earthly home. For my true home is with my Savior. Someday we won't have to move again. And we will forever, eternally be with our Father. :)
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