Coming from a conservative homeschool background, I've been exposed to the "preparing for marriage" idea since . . . well, for too long. Not so much within my own family, but more so with books, articles and magazines, videos, simple chit-chat discussions . . . marriage is a hot topic. Recently, I went through the "cold-footed senior" dilemma, not quite sure how to translate what I know I've been called to do into a tangible reality for my life (which, thankfully, is not the case anymore). For the past year people would ask, "So, what are your plans after highschool?" "Oh, I'm still praying about it," was the inevitable reply. Several times, I would get back, "Oh, take your time. This just allows for more time to prepare for marriage."
Note: If you love me, you won't say that.
The problem is not with marriage. I truly believe that marriage is wonderful and I will be thrilled should it happen to me. Yet I have observed, over and over, young women leaving the nest of homeschool with one purpose alone: to catch a man.
Girls will dream of their wedding day, that is a given. But what about making your life around the wedding day? Until you reach that time, you will not have a purpose. No goal except to find a mate. With any other object this may be attainable - a job, an education, even a home - since these things can be found and earned. A mate is an entirely different animal . . . a human. As time goes on, this human can become a god: all youth is spent in pursuit of him, much time is spent on dreaming of him, all skills and knowledge honed in preparation for him, and marriage, a wedding, and a happily-ever-after can become all you ever want out of life.
So what happens when the wedding is over? What then? Wedding days are over by sundown, honeymoons are over in a week, and then there's the great expanse of Life to deal with. Tests and trials come - often much more difficult to face than if you are single as the family must provide for itself with the unison of each other. What then?
The Ideal Mate suddenly is revealed as a sinning human, as well as are you - despite all the preparation for marriage. If marriage was your idol before the ring, you eyes are opened wide as you see that it's not all romance and candles. All the time spent to attain it may make you wonder if it was well spent at all. Did you redeem the time of your youth? Did you make the most of the years you had?
Preparing for marriage is an admirable goal, and I would never say to stop learning the various skills needed to be a homemaker or provider (whichever you happen to be). At the same time, if that is your only goal in life, it is a low-sighted vision. While God works mightily through married couples, He can work mightily through anyone who is called by His name. He is not restricted by our perception of what we think is best for us, our perception of Him, nor our personal interpretation of His Word.
Would I like to stay single for a long time? I'm just graduating from highschool this year, so I don't classify myself as "single" yet, but to directly answer your question, no, not really. I want hugs and kisses too. My mom and dad do it all the time and they seem to have fun with it . . . I want my turn. However, if that becomes my only goal then I am making an idol out of something that is a blessing of God, not God himself. It is the same with a career or education - or anything that takes the place of God in our lives. Yet it often seems that marriage is somehow given a license to take this position in the lives of young people while careers and educations are not, especially to girls.
Perhaps you're alarmed by the feministic ring to that last statement, but don't be; I will tell you what I am for. I am for young men and women making these years when they are unmarried, without commitments and people to provide for, the years that they fill with learning and moving forward. These are the years to do things you dream of - not in a selfish way, which the world propagates, but the dreams that God lays on your heart. Dreams beyond marriage. Once a woman has children, her domain should be in the home training them as her God-given position in the family. But until then, she has work to do either for her husband or for her God.
Marriage can seem like the safe haven that escorts a girl out of her parents' home into the home of her husband. She never has to face "the world." Truth be told, we live in the world. We may not be of it, but we sure better be able to face it. We had better know what to say and do, how to speak and teach - and in these things we can still be all the wife or husband that we need to be. In fact, we'll be made the better for it.
Any man of mine will be worthy of my respect and love because he went out into the world and accomplished the dream God laid on his heart. He will be my hero because I will see in him a man who took his time and redeemed it, preparing for me by not wasting all his knowledge and preparation on me, but working to support me. And I will do the same: use these years to their maximum. So when my man and I meet, our years together will be twice as powerful as our years apart. That's my dream, and marriage is a part of it - but marriage isn't the dream itself.
Society may be set against marriage, instead being a proponent of the "swinging single" image, but that does not give us the right to take the pendulum the other direction with the idea that marriage is the "only way." We must strike a balance, with morality as our guide and God as our hope, knowing that our work for Him will be effective whether we have a spouse or not. When He is in His rightful place, and we are being faithful in what He has called us to in the here and now (whether that's education, getting a job, serving your family and church, or simply loving your neighbor), then He can give us those blessings that we desire.
Note: If you love me, you won't say that.
The problem is not with marriage. I truly believe that marriage is wonderful and I will be thrilled should it happen to me. Yet I have observed, over and over, young women leaving the nest of homeschool with one purpose alone: to catch a man.
Girls will dream of their wedding day, that is a given. But what about making your life around the wedding day? Until you reach that time, you will not have a purpose. No goal except to find a mate. With any other object this may be attainable - a job, an education, even a home - since these things can be found and earned. A mate is an entirely different animal . . . a human. As time goes on, this human can become a god: all youth is spent in pursuit of him, much time is spent on dreaming of him, all skills and knowledge honed in preparation for him, and marriage, a wedding, and a happily-ever-after can become all you ever want out of life.
So what happens when the wedding is over? What then? Wedding days are over by sundown, honeymoons are over in a week, and then there's the great expanse of Life to deal with. Tests and trials come - often much more difficult to face than if you are single as the family must provide for itself with the unison of each other. What then?
The Ideal Mate suddenly is revealed as a sinning human, as well as are you - despite all the preparation for marriage. If marriage was your idol before the ring, you eyes are opened wide as you see that it's not all romance and candles. All the time spent to attain it may make you wonder if it was well spent at all. Did you redeem the time of your youth? Did you make the most of the years you had?
Preparing for marriage is an admirable goal, and I would never say to stop learning the various skills needed to be a homemaker or provider (whichever you happen to be). At the same time, if that is your only goal in life, it is a low-sighted vision. While God works mightily through married couples, He can work mightily through anyone who is called by His name. He is not restricted by our perception of what we think is best for us, our perception of Him, nor our personal interpretation of His Word.
Would I like to stay single for a long time? I'm just graduating from highschool this year, so I don't classify myself as "single" yet, but to directly answer your question, no, not really. I want hugs and kisses too. My mom and dad do it all the time and they seem to have fun with it . . . I want my turn. However, if that becomes my only goal then I am making an idol out of something that is a blessing of God, not God himself. It is the same with a career or education - or anything that takes the place of God in our lives. Yet it often seems that marriage is somehow given a license to take this position in the lives of young people while careers and educations are not, especially to girls.
Perhaps you're alarmed by the feministic ring to that last statement, but don't be; I will tell you what I am for. I am for young men and women making these years when they are unmarried, without commitments and people to provide for, the years that they fill with learning and moving forward. These are the years to do things you dream of - not in a selfish way, which the world propagates, but the dreams that God lays on your heart. Dreams beyond marriage. Once a woman has children, her domain should be in the home training them as her God-given position in the family. But until then, she has work to do either for her husband or for her God.
Marriage can seem like the safe haven that escorts a girl out of her parents' home into the home of her husband. She never has to face "the world." Truth be told, we live in the world. We may not be of it, but we sure better be able to face it. We had better know what to say and do, how to speak and teach - and in these things we can still be all the wife or husband that we need to be. In fact, we'll be made the better for it.
Any man of mine will be worthy of my respect and love because he went out into the world and accomplished the dream God laid on his heart. He will be my hero because I will see in him a man who took his time and redeemed it, preparing for me by not wasting all his knowledge and preparation on me, but working to support me. And I will do the same: use these years to their maximum. So when my man and I meet, our years together will be twice as powerful as our years apart. That's my dream, and marriage is a part of it - but marriage isn't the dream itself.
Society may be set against marriage, instead being a proponent of the "swinging single" image, but that does not give us the right to take the pendulum the other direction with the idea that marriage is the "only way." We must strike a balance, with morality as our guide and God as our hope, knowing that our work for Him will be effective whether we have a spouse or not. When He is in His rightful place, and we are being faithful in what He has called us to in the here and now (whether that's education, getting a job, serving your family and church, or simply loving your neighbor), then He can give us those blessings that we desire.
1 comment:
Extremely well said.... Amen.
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