I had a birthday a few months ago. Having a summer birthday keeps the middle of the year fresh. Gives you a chance to look back and see how much you've accomplished thus far while offering a rejuvenated sense of determination and inspiration to finish out the year strong.
I had a few new experiences this year. I got to take part in the congressional swearing-in ceremony at the state capitol. I went to my first opera. Started performing violin again. I got my driver's license. Developed a taste for coffee. I became a manager at my job. And much more, both good and bad.
At the beginning of this physical year, my fear of the future became the foundation to understanding the power of God's presence. My notion that fears only apply to the physical realm has been proven wrong as now, three months into this new year of life, He has placed me on the battleground to face my first real combat: the fear of love.
I've gone through my fair share with people and relationships for a while now. The main gist being, you love hard, you get screwed over. It's difficult for me to sincerely care about a person and people in general to begin with, but when that rarity happens, I put all I am into it. My heart is theirs to wrench, wring out, and repeat. And, except for three steady people in my life, that is exactly what has happened every single time I put myself out there for the sake of loving and caring.
Walls have since been raised.
It's odd, however. We think we're protecting ourselves from hurt by barricading ourselves from it, when the reality is, we must keep loving in order to heal.
Through this drawn-out season, He's been very gentle. He's given me a break when life hasn't. He's shown me that even though love and I aren't on very good terms at the moment, I am still worthy to receive all the Love in the world He has to offer. Not only am I learning how to love. I'm learning how to be loved.
So here I am. On the cusp of a new journey, one that I know is going to be hard and painful, but I have a good feeling about it. Vulnerability would seem to make a flimsy shield and trust is a sword I'm not too keen over. Yet, it is only in stripped-down frailty that strength is restored to a feeble-kneed soul. I am ready to be made whole. I am ready to relationship with truth and grace. Though human love may disappoint, I am ready to live from a heart of overflow that draws from the Source of Love itself.
I had a few new experiences this year. I got to take part in the congressional swearing-in ceremony at the state capitol. I went to my first opera. Started performing violin again. I got my driver's license. Developed a taste for coffee. I became a manager at my job. And much more, both good and bad.
At the beginning of this physical year, my fear of the future became the foundation to understanding the power of God's presence. My notion that fears only apply to the physical realm has been proven wrong as now, three months into this new year of life, He has placed me on the battleground to face my first real combat: the fear of love.
I've gone through my fair share with people and relationships for a while now. The main gist being, you love hard, you get screwed over. It's difficult for me to sincerely care about a person and people in general to begin with, but when that rarity happens, I put all I am into it. My heart is theirs to wrench, wring out, and repeat. And, except for three steady people in my life, that is exactly what has happened every single time I put myself out there for the sake of loving and caring.
Walls have since been raised.
It's odd, however. We think we're protecting ourselves from hurt by barricading ourselves from it, when the reality is, we must keep loving in order to heal.
Through this drawn-out season, He's been very gentle. He's given me a break when life hasn't. He's shown me that even though love and I aren't on very good terms at the moment, I am still worthy to receive all the Love in the world He has to offer. Not only am I learning how to love. I'm learning how to be loved.
So here I am. On the cusp of a new journey, one that I know is going to be hard and painful, but I have a good feeling about it. Vulnerability would seem to make a flimsy shield and trust is a sword I'm not too keen over. Yet, it is only in stripped-down frailty that strength is restored to a feeble-kneed soul. I am ready to be made whole. I am ready to relationship with truth and grace. Though human love may disappoint, I am ready to live from a heart of overflow that draws from the Source of Love itself.
"There is no fear in love;
but perfect love casts out fear."
~ 1 John 4:18a ~
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