2013 - With Me

These past several months I have been feeling weight. Struggle. Inadequacy. Fear. While nothing can deter my soul from it's calling, it is this same calling that produces a mental-emotional collision inside of me everyday. Put simply, I am constantly intimidated by what the Lord has placed in my heart. I've heard it said that when your destiny scares you, you're on the right track. For me, it only highlights my weaknesses, frailties, all the reasons why I can't and probably shouldn't be getting the muck of human suffering underneath my fingernails.

Coincidentally, I recently finished going through the books of Joshua and Judges for my personal devotions, two books that are filled to the brim of epic tales of the Israelites victoriously marching in the Promised Land, and of individuals who moved mightily to shake a nation's core into returning to God.

It's often easy to look at these people and be in awe of the strength they possessed, sizing them up for superhuman candidacy. In actuality, though, there's no such thing as "superhuman." So how did they accomplish such incredible acts? Take Jael, from Judges 4, for example. She killed an army's commander-in-chief by driving a tent peg through his skull. We already established that it was impossible for her to be superhuman; judging from the biblical account, I think it's safe to say that neither did she have rage issues or mental instability. She was just an ordinary wife, yet no "ordinary" woman is naturally inclined to do something so, pardon me, gross.

Herein lies the answer. Ever notice as you read through Joshua and Judges that phrases such as "The Lord was with them," "the Lord was on their side," or "the Spirit of the Lord came upon him" occur pretty frequently? That is the answer. How did Israel slay an entire nation of 2,000 people in one day? Because the Lord was with them. How did Samson slay a thousand men with just a donkey's jawbone? Because God's Spirit was upon him. 

Many Christians will subconsciously acknowledge the Lord's presence. "God is with you," we say when we hear a friend is going through a rough time. It's used as a Christian feel-good term. And yes, the Lord's presence is comforting, it is peaceful. But it is powerful. You literally have the presence of the One who spoke the cosmos into existence with you constantly, 24/7. Yet so often, we are content to let it lay on the shelf, not exposing ourselves to it, not giving ourselves to it, not dedicating our lives to the pursuit of it.

With this Presence, Moses lifted his rod and the children of Israel crossed through the Red Sea. With this Comfort, Peter saw the disciple Tabitha raised to life. With this Peace, Jesus walked on water and calmed a storm. And with this Power, we have the promise of working greater wonders than Jesus Himself accomplished during His time on earth.

It's not the question of His presence that I doubt. It's His power. Will He come through in my moment of need? I'm like Gideon, continually laying out the fleece, asking for a sign that He is indeed with me. 

"But Lord, I'm the youngest in my family."

I am with you.

"But You know my speech is not good, and I am not even close to public eloquence."

I am with you.

"And if they kill me?" (My mind refuses to think small when I'm terrified.)

I am with you.

And this is my anthem as I walk into this new year. Not knowing what it will hold, the challenges, the opportunities, new experiences.

He is with me. He is with me. He is with me.

"Have I not commanded you? 

Be strong and of good courage; 

do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, 

for the Lord your God is with you 

wherever you go."

~ Joshua 1:9 ~

Photo: Of All Loveliness